It seems really crazy sometimes. We do all this work to understand what is really going on in our minds and bodies, uncovering and removing long-held beliefs that don’t fit anymore and diligently uncovering and growing closer to our authentic soul-selves. Countless hours (and probably dollars) with books, therapists, practitioners, and programs to help us in that process. Then we feel it. We feel a shift coming on. We know that we are on the precipice of something even deeper, something more that we really want to connect with. And we’re stopped cold.
We want to improve, we want to grow and become more conscious. And now we know that even when we weren’t consciously aware, we still wanted to grow and still made the choices to do so. Why do we get stuck or feel trapped? Why is it so challenging for us to move forward?
The simple answer is: this is about growth, and growth, by its nature stretches us beyond what is comfortable, but I would like to get a bit more specific about who I think is doing the stretching. I’m going to talk about the tough choices that can make us push the pause button: where those choice points are, what those choices mean from a soul perspective, why they are so difficult, and what needs to happen in order for us to make the choices to move us forward. I’m going to continue to look at it using the lock analogy. If you missed it, I talk about that in the first blog [name and link] and my podcast Getting Your Soul Specs On. [There is a link to the podcast and a blog version in the show notes]
I talked in the first blog about the major choice points that we come to on our path, specifically when we are looking to shift our consciousness. I think it is at these points that we struggle the most because we are making some really big choices that directly affect our soul growth.
The first choice we need to make is a choice to grow our soul selves or to stay where we are. Using the analogy, that means getting in the lock at the bottom and the gate closing behind you. Effectively what that means is that you have committed yourself to this growth and the gate closing behind you acts as a way to stop you from going backward.
Making that conscious choice to grow and the gate closing behind you is both comforting and terrifying at the same time. It’s comforting to know that once you have grown in your consciousness or conscious awareness, you don’t go backward or become unconscious because sometimes it can feel like we are going backward, but we’re really not. It’s also terrifying and for the exact same reason that it is comforting: because we can’t go back. We know our lives, or more precisely, how we perceive our lives will change, and that includes our relationships, our careers, everything. If we know that we will be setting that huge process in motion, this can sometimes seem like a huge choice and it can stop us cold. But we still need to make the choice. And the choice is to grow or stay where you are. The gate is open, ready for us to go in.
I think it’s also important to see that this really big choice we make to grow and change our lives happens at the bottom of the lock, not at the top. By the time we make it to the top, we have made hundreds, maybe thousands of choices to learn, grow, and expand as a soul. We spend that whole time in the lock making choices to do that. The inner changes that shift our overall consciousness happen one at a time, incrementally and happen between the bottom and the top.
The second big choice we make, although it’s probably more of an allowing, we make a choice to exit the lock – to embody our growth. We have already grown as a conscious being, but here we are faced with what can sometimes seem like a much bigger choice than all the other choices up to this point: embody your growth or stay where you are. This is where we realize that we perceive the people, relationships, situations, and events in our lives in a way that was different than before. If we stay, we will continue to feel trapped within the confines of our ego-minds. If we embody, our ego-minds can no longer protect us because we are going where they have not been.
To make this even more challenging, as if we needed it to be any more challenging, as we go through this process we become more aware that we are going through it. Each time we get in and exit the lock, we are becoming more conscious which means going from not knowing what’s going on to knowing what’s going on. From not knowing the consequences of these major choices to knowing the consequences of these major choices. And that we need to make them, it won’t just happen.
I think that what we see as the initial awakening is the first time we get to the top of the first lock. When we initially got in at the bottom, our ego/minds were pretty unaware of what we were really doing and weren’t bothered by it. Before we become aware and get into the lock the first time, we don’t have the sense of what it feels like to not be able to go back because we have nowhere to go back to. We are more consumed with getting out of the uncomfortable state that we are in than worrying about what this actually entails. Getting into the lock initially doesn’t seem like such a big deal to our ego-minds, because at that point we have literally no idea what the consequences will be and quite honestly, we feel bad enough where we are that the unknown feels like a better option. Our soul-selves knew when they took the plunge. It isn’t until we got to the top and see that our lives had already changed, or more accurately our perceptions of our lives changed, that our ego-minds panic. At this point, we need to make the conscious choice to embody because now our ego-minds are aware and that they need to deal with the consequences of the soul’s choices and that means letting go or surrendering to the soul’s choice of embodying the growth. This can be a very difficult choice to make, because our ego-minds are going to fight it, and they are still a powerful force in our lives. Initially, we can spend quite a long time sitting at the top of the lock with the gate open. I personally spent about 9 months there.
I think what makes choosing getting in at the bottom of the lock more challenging as we progress through is that we now see that the point of no return isn’t embodying at the top, it’s making the choice to grow, which happens at the bottom of the lock. We are making a conscious choice to start a new phase of growth.
The kicker is, it doesn’t make it any less challenging to make that choice, or cross that threshold. You know you will be in a much more authentic and connected place on the other side of the upper gate, yet you struggle to get in. You know your life will change, you know it will be for your highest good, but you have no idea what it looks like or what will happen as a result.
We also know it’s only the start of the challenges, that there will be more coming. We know because we went through it already.
It’s also on you. You know that whatever happens, it was your choice. I honestly think that’s the hardest part. We can’t choose ignorance. We can’t choose blame. We are 100% accountable for the choices we make. That level of accountability, that level of acceptance and surrender is daunting and scary. But we also know we are going to make that choice because at this point we have come too far and worked too hard to stop now. And we know our lives will be far richer and deeper than they ever have been.
The top of the lock is a different story. It’s challenging from the very beginning and doesn’t really get much easier as we progress. I think there are a couple of reasons why it’s so challenging to move forward at the top of the lock where we can spend quite a lot of time sitting there with the gate open. We have to accept that we have already changed on the inside even if our outer life has not changed. It’s not easy to see or accept. Especially if the people around us we care about haven’t grown with us, or can’t accept the changes we have made. We also need to be able to allow whatever changes need to happen so we can embody this growth, but we need to do that before we can get out. Effectively we have to choose to expand into our new self without any guarantee about what that looks like. It’s a case of saying “I allow this to happen, even though I don’t know what this is.” We don’t get to see or know what will happen when we make that choice.
I think what needs to happen in order to move forward at both the bottom and the top is a leap of faith. What I mean by that is in both cases we need to trust the guidance of our soul-selves: once at the bottom of the lock and once at the top of the lock. However, I think the nature of what we are trusting to is different. I think there is more than one leap of faith.
At the bottom, our soul-selves are trusting that this is the next phase of growth and this is what we need to do. Our soul-selves are taking a leap of faith that whatever happens is for their highest good. At this point, they don’t know what choices are going to be made in the lock, what they need to do to grow, or what their growth will look like. Even if our ego minds are aware that the souls are embarking on a new shift, and there is going to be push-back, our ego minds still feel that they have the upper hand, because our soul-selves haven’t outgrown our ego minds. So our soul’s are more reliant on trusting they are heading in the right direction in order to allow the ego to quiet down enough to get started.
What I think needs to happen at the top of the lock to move forward is what we refer to as the quintessential leap of faith. Our ego-minds need to recognize and acknowledge that they aren’t running the show. They haven’t run the show since your soul-self made the choice to grow and got into the lock. They also need to acknowledge that they can’t run the show. That whatever seemed to work before when it was in charge is no longer working. It wasn’t wrong, it wasn’t bad, it just no longer has our answers. Something deeper does, and we need to follow that.
This leap of faith is more about our souls trusting their own embodiment. Every choice we made in all of the locks brought a little more of who we really are into the world. We shed the protective layers that our ego-minds provided us, and now we are effectively being ourselves in the world. It’s a level of vulnerability we haven’t experienced before. It’s a soul leap.
